Deal with your anger

December 11, 2017 § Leave a comment

We all have anger issues. Sometimes as we get angry, we act in a regretful and painful ways that have the potential to destroy our future. How should we deal with these emotions? And what to do to put ourselves in a neutral or positive state of mind as soon as possible?

Don’t stay angry for too long

We’ve already discussed ways to relax your body and mind, but these methods produce results over several weeks of regular practice. In this article, you will discover ways to diffuse your anger rapidly and efficiently, in just a few seconds or minutes.

In a state of anger, we become quite clumsy at distinguishing the good from the bad and we easily become blinded by feelings of hate and frustration, and make rash decisions, some of which can have dire consequences for our general well being and of others. No matter what is your level of education, your employment or your status in society, the poisonous effects of anger spare no one and none of us are protected from committing grotesque acts of stupidity.

Calm down and stop anger before it gets hold of you

Here are the methods that will help you reach a calmer state of mind in just a few minutes:

  1. Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is a remarkable technique that can easily induce a state of calm and relaxation in less than a minute.

Close your eyes, and begin paying attention to your breath (I always tell my husband “breath… honey breath”). Take the longest breath possible and inhale as much air your lungs can take in… Hold your breath for 4  or 5 seconds and release in a long exhalation. Repeat this cycle of deep breathing several times for the next few minutes. In the state of anger, our breathing becomes shallow and short… Deep breathing enables you to guide your body back to calmness and even, with lots of practice, into the beginning stages of meditation.

  1. Take concrete and physical action

Confront anger with action.

This can include:

  • Hitting a punching bag… A pillow or cushion will do.
  • Practicing a solo sport that is easily accessible… Running is great for this as are other fast paced physical activities such as swimming of biking. It should be easy to execute so that you could begin practicing it without having to make elaborate plans with other people.
  • Writing down your angry thoughts using every single possible negative word you can think of and then burn this sheet of paper
  • Talking to a positive person. Find someone in your entourage that you can confide to and share your thoughts and feelings with. Having someone who will listen to us is a great way to put things in perspective. Make sure to also actively listen to this person’s feedback and own personal issues that he or she might want to share with you.
  1. Find the positive in your source of anger

Try to find positive things about the person who is the source of your anger. I suggest imagining being in this person’s shoes, what it is to be living his or her life on a daily basis, or to be experiencing this moment. Think about this: every given situation offers an opportunity to grow and learn; if this is the only positive aspect of any possible conflict, then you know, before hand, that you can walk away from any given negative situation with a positive outcome. At the end of the day, there are no real bad experiences, but only lessons…. Accept and embrace the good as well as the bad that come your way by remaining opportunistic. You might be interested to learn that many successful businessmen and women purposely make huge mistakes in order to learn from them.

  1. Imagine the outcome of your violent actions

Pause for a moment if you can and imagine the full extent of your physical anger. What will happen after you bit someone? Some people have spent years in jail for taking part in small fights that had horrendous outcomes. A physical confrontation could very well result in huge legal issues and cause irreparable damage, outcomes that would vastly outweigh the reasons for your anger. Such an outcome could also result in other losses which you hadn’t suspect could be possible… The loss of friends, family members, your job and future professional opportunities, for example, are real and frequent outcomes to such events.

Meditation: the ultimate anger eraser

My top suggestion to have ultimate control over anger is to practice meditation on a regular basis. Of course, meditation is not something that you learn in a few minutes, but once you will have been meditating for a few weeks, you will be able to switch yourself ‘on’ in just a few seconds. The more you practice the less you will feel anger rising; meditation produces the remarkable effect of dissipating one’s anger and it illuminate the path to a place of equanimity. There are several  guide meditation classes online, whatever style that suites you. There are more 40 types of meditations but I personally like this particular technique which is perfectly described by Kim Eng on Eckhart Tolle’s channel. If you develop the habit of getting in touch with your feelings everyday you will begin to see the world differently. Keep practicing, don’t give up. It can be difficult at the start, but the discipline is worth the effort. I practice meditation in the morning or at night before sleeping. Also, the regular practice of yoga asanas is a great way to get in touch with your body and to develop your ability to focus.

Please share your experiences in managing your anger. I love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

I will give further explanations about meditation in an other post.

Rose
Rose Thai Massage
Chicago, Ill.

Please view the contact page in order to get in touch with me.

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8 Ways to Instantly Calm Yourself

July 17, 2012 § 3 Comments

We all have felt anxiety before. No matter how confident and relaxed you are, you know what it’s like to be nervous before an interview, trembling before a speech, or cold and clammy over the pending results of your graded quiz.
The point of this article is to provide you with eight different ways to release this tension. There are more powerful ways in which you can relax (as we will provide in our products) however this article provides eight ways you can use anywhere. Hardly anyone will actually notice that you are using them. You will not have to sit in a meditation position on the floor, or chant mantras to relax yourself… so no worries.

Also, notice the title of this article is not “…Calm Yourself Down”. We don’t calm down. We calm up.

Calming yourself involves not detaching yourself from your environment, but integrating yourself with it while you mentally move inward to obtain steadiness. You should not feel tired or detached. You should simply become “in the zone”: Alert, focused and relaxed.

Chair Press-Up

This one’s great for if you are waiting to give a speech or if you are nervous in a group setting. Simply put your feet flat on the floor. Put your hands on the arms of your chair. If your chair doesn’t have arms, place them on the edges of the seat. Brace yourself. Now, take a deep breath, and push up with your arms and feet as you exhale. Lock your arms – let your torso hang from your locked arms for a moment while you finish exhaling… long and deep. Go limp, but remain locked in the up position. Now sit back down. You feel like a noodle, and everything is cool.

Breathing

Breathing is absolutely crucial to calming yourself. I recommend you do some in-depth research on Eastern styles of breathing, and how to breathe powerfully with your diaphragm. Breathe in strongly and slowly through your nose as you expand your diaphragm. Your stomach should rise, not your chest. Now, blow it out strongly and steadily through your mouth. Repeat this a few times. You can feel the tension leaving your body.

Spread Legs

This one may not seem like much, but it has serious subconscious value. When most people are relaxed (particularly us guys) we have a tendency to spread our legs slightly and take up more space. By consciously spreading your legs while sitting (or standing) you will take up more space, which is what we generally do when we are comfortable in a setting. Perform the action, and the feeling of comfort will follow.

Slouch Slightly

Yes, slouching is bad for your posture. Slouching for years will curve your spine. Slouching for a few minutes will not. This is another habit most people demonstrate when they are relaxed and comfortable: They slouch. So, next time you feel antsy about a situation, allow yourself to lean back your head and slouch slightly in your chair. Once again, the feeling will follow the action.

Power Hands

Powerful people are often calm, relaxed and comfortable in their actions. When they sit around a table, they often do one of two things with their hands: Steepling, or the hands-behind-the-head. To steeple, put your elbows on the table, and steeple your hands in front of your face – like the bad guy does in the movie when he’s going “M’yesss…. Muwahaha…. I can see it all coming together so perfectly…” Think of yourself as the bad guy when you steeple your hands. You know you are going to win. You steeple your hands as you turn over your master plan inside your head. Everything is falling into place so perfectly. Muwhaha. For more of a “corporate” power / relaxation effect, lean back in your chair and put your hands behind your head, lacing your fingers together. This is how bosses sit when they are talking to people who work for them. It has profound effects in making you feel more powerful and relaxed.

Anchoring

This is an incredible psychological tool we will cover in more depth in our products. Your subconscious mind anchors certain actions / stimuli with certain feelings and responses. Psychological anchors and triggers are used everywhere. It is the reason behind many strong emotional connections. If you had a song played at your wedding, hearing the song played at a later date may make you cry. The emotional event was your wedding, and you heard a song during it (the anchor). Thus, the song became tied to the feelings you felt during your wedding. Uponhearing the song again (the trigger) you feel the same feelings again.

Another example is if you became very ill once from a certain drink, you may become sick simply from smelling the drink in the future. The emotional event was becoming very ill, and the anchor was the drink. Therefore, smelling the drink in the future could make you sick very quickly. Anchors are used everywhere, in positive and negative emotions. To use them to calm yourself, develop a specific anchor every time you are calm. My anchor is to place my hand palm-down on my thigh. Every time I am relaxed, I do this, to reinforce the anchor. Then when I need to be calm, I simply fire the trigger (palm on the thigh) and my mind recreates the emotion tied to that anchor – which is relaxation. Pick an anchor you don’t use that much, such as touching your ear, or putting your hand on your knee. Do it whenever you are relaxed, and when you need to become relaxed, doing it will help to put you in that mental state.

Kill Internal Dialogue

There are many ways to do this, but here’s one good technique: If you are talking yourself into a worrisome state, or worrying while talking to someone during a conversation, do this immediately. Defocus your eyes, and open your peripheral vision. Look at two areas ahead of you, to each side. Picture your conscious thoughts in those areas. Now, draw your gaze up from both points at 45 degreeangles until they meet in the high-center of your vision. Next bring the gaze straight down, so it is directly in front of you (a person’s face if you are talking to them). Now, picture your gaze coming straight back to your own head, as you return your consciousness to your own mind. Not only does it help increase focus, but the simple effort required to perform the exercise will often stop any distracting internal dialogue you are having at the time.

Centering

If you feel a general anxiety of your whole body, such as being self-conscious of your hands, feet, or body position, this exercise can work wonders. Close your eyes. Take a few deep, long breaths: in through your nose and out through your mouth. Place your tongue on your front pallet, directly above the backside of your upper teeth- this is effective in stimulating cross-lobe integration (and relaxation) in the brain. Picture a point far in front of you. Project your thoughts there in your mind. Continue breathing, and keep your thoughts there, until you are fully relaxed and have forgotten about clammy hands, sweaty feet, or mismatched socks. Once you are relaxed, slowly bring the point in front of you closer as you return to a fully aware state.

Silence: The Art of Being

March 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

Why do we always feel the need to be productive? Always having to be on the move or keep our mind occupied. It feels like any time there is silence we have to fill it with some thing, god forbid there be a moment of uncomfortable silence to reflect in. It almost appears as though we are scared to spend a moment in silence. As though we’re afraid of what we might come to realize during our silent contemplation.

To reflect on your own personal reality is one of the most effective ways to get inalignment with your goals, desires and passion. Most people are not even aware of what they want to experience in life; they’ve become caught up in being “comfortable” keeping busy in order to continue being “comfortable” that they forget that there is an entire universe of possibilities awaiting them.

Silence is the key. From the silence can we begin to see cleary what we want to create in our reality. We must have the idea before we can start to build. The art of contemplation breeds change. We humans are not meant to be like gerbils, running on the treadmill of life. We must be still and listen to ourselves for a change in order to surpass the lifestyle and experience of previous generations.

Can you sit still in complete silence with your eyes closed and your hands in your lap? Could you do that for 15 minutes a day for the rest of your life? Try! Do it and see what happens. I guarantee you will see change in your life if you do this. You will begin to build a relationship with yourself that you once had when you were achild, before your mind became poisened by preconcieved notions. But don’t beleive me, do it yourself!

This simple yet underestimated way of experiencing reality is one of the missing pieces to bringing a grander experience of life to every one. Being in completesilence alone or with other people allows you to just be. They should teach a course in school called “Silience: The Art of Being”. We must go back to our infant nature and stop trying to fool ourselves in to thinking that we have it all together and understand all aspects of reality.

If we allow the idea that “we have to always be productive” to be prominate in every moment of life it will only hinder our growth as human beings. We’ll never take a moment to look and say, hey wait a minute if we keep walking the path we’re walking its only going to create more and more suffering, maybe we should change course. With out moments of silence, with our breaks in unconscious mindpatterns, we won’t be able to co-create a new reality for all human beings to live in. We need to take that time and experience the simplicity silence.

Maybe we’ll all finally realize that we’re just children convinced that we’re adults.

Shane Lamotte

Shane Lamotte has developed a desire for knowledge of Zen, Taoism, Buddhism, Quantum Physics and anything that involves the nature of reality. His vision includes creating music that gives its listeners a “wake-up call” to change society in a positive way. Go to http://www.livingillusion.com.

Compassion: the ultimate force

March 1, 2012 § Leave a comment

My last blog entry concentrated on the mechanics of compassion: sort of like a step by step guide to enter the process and get things started.

The reason for this follow-up is to explain the real power of compassion, its strengths and its misconception.

Let’s begin with the latter. Compassion in popular culture is widely misunderstood. It is often presented as an instrument of weakness associated with a cartoon like depiction of all things essential to the “tree hugging hippy” movement.

Ok, let me say this clearly. Although compassion is a simple process, it is NOT an easy one. It’s the most difficult thing for a human-being to do.

Compassion is a solvent for two of the largest energy wasters for humankind: anger and guilt. This is its greatest strength. It allows us to look at another person and ourself with detachment and without getting caught in the all too familiar downward spiral of hatred associated with anger and guilt. Furthermore, compassion enables you to liberate yourself from the results of ill practices of others and to not get caught up in their misery.

Let me illustrate this with a short and simple example:

Think of the last time you’ve done something which would be considered outright hurtful. Some people felt nothing, in which case they would probably not be reading these words. Others felt guilty afterwards, and maybe so for a long time. This is the case for a large portion of readers. Although with time we tend to “forget” a specific guilt, they don’t really go away. Ever so often they will reappear and give us that oh so annoying pinch in the stomach combine with a mental note such as “dam, I wish I hadn’t done that”. Can you feel it? Do you see the energy being drained away, as if it was stolen? The awkward truth in this is that we do it to ourselves. Yes, someone else maybe responsible for an unfortunate event in your life but ultimately, YOU decide weither or not it deserves any energy and how much so.

In the practice of compassion, we adress these self damaging behaviours by bringing them in our awareness, an thus makes it easier to avoid doing hurtful things in the future since we become more aware.

Imagine all the energy not spent on hatred, anger, guilt and bad habits but instead spent on constructive things in your life such as work, family, relationships and education. This is why compassion is ultimately a force, one when combined with the regular practice of meditation, will open a path of both peace and immense productivity in your life.

Rose

Meditation: nothingness in a cloud

July 6, 2011 § Leave a comment

To stop thinking… What a bliss. What an extraordinary gift everyone can give to his or herself everyday, at any moment, may it be only for a short time.

Meditation has truly changed my life. It made me realize that we have so much more power than we believe.

The simple act of quieting the mind will bring powerful changes to your life, ones that you may not even had suspected as possible. You will start to perceive yourself and the outside world in a completely different way. Your universe becomes peaceful and it seems that nothing could bother you. At least, this is what to me after months of practice.

Like most of you, my life was driven by moments of fear and stress. Even if my native Thailand is a country with a long tradition of meditation, I still ran around and regularly fell victim to my own thoughts. That’s right, I was my own worst enemy; after all, we are the ones in charge.

I’ve met some people who strongly suspected that meditation numbs the mind; being a replacement to alcohol or a drug. That it makes you dull, weak and naive. But nothing could be further from the truth. Meditation releases the person who practices it regularly. It makes you shift your energy and focus from the time and energy wasters in your life to the constructive purposes. You become sharp as well as incredibly focused as all the energy you use to spread and squander on trivialities is now under your control. You stop running after all the red balls which come in your direction.

Meditation has also been extremely beneficial in my massage practice. When I give a Thai massage class, I always prepare my students by teaching them own to meditate. The reason for this is that massage is so much more than a simple physical act. An expert therapist can feel where are the trouble spots in a person’s body, and that, by simple touching.

I would love to hear about the experiences of others and discuss techniques with like-minded individuals.

Rose

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