Deal with your anger
December 11, 2017 § Leave a comment
We all have anger issues. Sometimes as we get angry, we act in a regretful and painful ways that have the potential to destroy our future. How should we deal with these emotions? And what to do to put ourselves in a neutral or positive state of mind as soon as possible?
Don’t stay angry for too long
We’ve already discussed ways to relax your body and mind, but these methods produce results over several weeks of regular practice. In this article, you will discover ways to diffuse your anger rapidly and efficiently, in just a few seconds or minutes.
In a state of anger, we become quite clumsy at distinguishing the good from the bad and we easily become blinded by feelings of hate and frustration, and make rash decisions, some of which can have dire consequences for our general well being and of others. No matter what is your level of education, your employment or your status in society, the poisonous effects of anger spare no one and none of us are protected from committing grotesque acts of stupidity.
Calm down and stop anger before it gets hold of you
Here are the methods that will help you reach a calmer state of mind in just a few minutes:
Deep breathing is a remarkable technique that can easily induce a state of calm and relaxation in less than a minute.
Close your eyes, and begin paying attention to your breath (I always tell my husband “breath… honey breath”). Take the longest breath possible and inhale as much air your lungs can take in… Hold your breath for 4 or 5 seconds and release in a long exhalation. Repeat this cycle of deep breathing several times for the next few minutes. In the state of anger, our breathing becomes shallow and short… Deep breathing enables you to guide your body back to calmness and even, with lots of practice, into the beginning stages of meditation.
Take concrete and physical action
Confront anger with action.
This can include:
- Hitting a punching bag… A pillow or cushion will do.
- Practicing a solo sport that is easily accessible… Running is great for this as are other fast paced physical activities such as swimming of biking. It should be easy to execute so that you could begin practicing it without having to make elaborate plans with other people.
- Writing down your angry thoughts using every single possible negative word you can think of and then burn this sheet of paper
- Talking to a positive person. Find someone in your entourage that you can confide to and share your thoughts and feelings with. Having someone who will listen to us is a great way to put things in perspective. Make sure to also actively listen to this person’s feedback and own personal issues that he or she might want to share with you.
Find the positive in your source of anger
Try to find positive things about the person who is the source of your anger. I suggest imagining being in this person’s shoes, what it is to be living his or her life on a daily basis, or to be experiencing this moment. Think about this: every given situation offers an opportunity to grow and learn; if this is the only positive aspect of any possible conflict, then you know, before hand, that you can walk away from any given negative situation with a positive outcome. At the end of the day, there are no real bad experiences, but only lessons…. Accept and embrace the good as well as the bad that come your way by remaining opportunistic. You might be interested to learn that many successful businessmen and women purposely make huge mistakes in order to learn from them.
Imagine the outcome of your violent actions
Pause for a moment if you can and imagine the full extent of your physical anger. What will happen after you bit someone? Some people have spent years in jail for taking part in small fights that had horrendous outcomes. A physical confrontation could very well result in huge legal issues and cause irreparable damage, outcomes that would vastly outweigh the reasons for your anger. Such an outcome could also result in other losses which you hadn’t suspect could be possible… The loss of friends, family members, your job and future professional opportunities, for example, are real and frequent outcomes to such events.
Meditation: the ultimate anger eraser
My top suggestion to have ultimate control over anger is to practice meditation on a regular basis. Of course, meditation is not something that you learn in a few minutes, but once you will have been meditating for a few weeks, you will be able to switch yourself ‘on’ in just a few seconds. The more you practice the less you will feel anger rising; meditation produces the remarkable effect of dissipating one’s anger and it illuminate the path to a place of equanimity. There are several guide meditation classes online, whatever style that suites you. There are more 40 types of meditations but I personally like this particular technique which is perfectly described by Kim Eng on Eckhart Tolle’s channel. If you develop the habit of getting in touch with your feelings everyday you will begin to see the world differently. Keep practicing, don’t give up. It can be difficult at the start, but the discipline is worth the effort. I practice meditation in the morning or at night before sleeping. Also, the regular practice of yoga asanas is a great way to get in touch with your body and to develop your ability to focus.
Please share your experiences in managing your anger. I love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.
I will give further explanations about meditation in an other post.
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